Summer Mama Guilt

First, let me say that I love summer! I wish I lived in a climate where spring came sooner and fall didn't get cold until at least November. I also love the slower pace of activities - no having to drop everything before 3 to pick the kids up from school and no harping about homework!

And I know that childhood is fleeting, and I want to spend as much time nurturing my children as possible.

But, I'm a WAHM mom with a business, and it's hard to find that work-childcare balance. Earlier this month I was awarded a book contract (yay! More on that in posts later this year); I have patterns in the pipeline for the back-to-school season, and I'm helping to organize a sewing program for kids at a great local quilt shop, where I'll teach in the fall.

So having time to work, play with the kids, make dinner, do daily chores, grocery shop, and spend time with hubby were starting to stress me out by week 2.

I began getting up before 6 to get an hour of work done before I allowed the kids to come down and eat at 7. I work until noon, make lunch, and then do a daily activity with the kids until it's time to make dinner. Frankly, by the weekend, I want to hide in my sewing room to work on personal projects, but usually I won't. I plan another family activity so we can get the most out of summer. And Sunday is church. And other family chores. And I feel like I never have a moment alone and always need more time to work.

Too.much.

Mornings are still riddled with "Mommy! I need this" and "Mom, I'm bored...."; "Mommy, can you find my such-and-such?" And my repeated reminders: "I'm sorry, Mommy needs to work in the mornings." And: "Can you please stop asking me for things? I'll play with you later" (and I do!) and: "You don't need to stop and chat every time you walk by the room!" (I do not have an office door).

Ugh. I know I'm not alone.

Then I remembered my summers as a kid. My brother is 8 years younger than I, so I didn't have anyone to play with during my youngest years. My mom did things with me sometimes, and we took an annual family vacation and occasional trips to the zoo, museum or amusement part, but usually I was on my own. I was to play outside when it was nice, and was not allowed to say "I'm bored." I wasn't allowed to pop in and out of the house - going outside meant staying there until it was time for lunch or dinner. Of course I was bored sometimes (even though I tried to remember not to say it out loud)! But it really did mold me into a person who's rarely ever bored as an adult. I developed artistic interests, read, wrote, crafted. I didn't go to activity-fill summer camps or have access to a pool. Yet I still loved summer.

To be fair, our one daughter has never been very good about playing alone...I think this trained me to feel like I always needed to entertain her. She has AD/HD and is a high-maintenance child. This is the not-so-secret family secret that I hate talking about, but her peers and teachers and most folks know (she even talks about it openly when she's not being defiant and pretending it's not so). And I know I'm not the only one who deals with the fallout from other issues associated with this medical condition. It's just our life, and I adapted by being Mrs. Activity Coordinator to try to prevent behavioral problems. And when friends would visit, I'd even come up with a craft for them to do to keep them busy. Even now, a morning outside means coming in every 10-15 minutes despite repeated requests to stay outside or find something else to do...and ideas about doing a big project that inevitably includes asking for my involvement.

Our other daughter has always entertained herself. When I started my bow business in 2006, she was just a few months old, sitting on the floor, playing, as I worked next to her. Yet I feel guilty leaving her to own devices! Back to playing Mrs. Activity Coordinator....because, I'm thinking: Am I a bad Mommy if I leave her alone and let her play? Am I ignoring her?

So, I took to my Facebook biz page. Was I a bad mom if I no longer wanted to schedule an activity with them nearly every afternoon - whether it be as simple as head to the local park, or hang out by the neighborhood pool? Was I really being a "Good Mom" by continuing to coordinate daily activities?

A teacher provided one of the best words of wisdom. She wrote, "(Kids) need to be truly bored to look inside and find their interests. That's what's so great about summer. The school year is too busy to give them time to learn who they are and where their talents may lie."

Hmm.

Maybe it's time to remove the guilt, do something special with the kids once or twice a week, and not feel like a "bad mom" if I also need to work in the afternoon on other days, or if I need the afternoon to do household chores. Or even if (gasp)...I simply need an hour to myself.

Maybe I'm not a bad mom if I let them be bored.

So, I'm working on this. I caught my youngest practicing her bicycling skills and my oldest sweeping the driveway today. Maybe some boredom will also lead to random and exciting acts of chore duty as well! Wish me luck....my guilty conscience will need it.

Turning Easter sewing into - sport?

Caught our youngest daughter being quite inventive! She devised another way to use your Easter basket pattern and free fabric egg tutorial....as a hanging, swinging egg toss game. Just hang the basket (she used a stretchy length of cotton jersey with spandex), and toss the fabric eggs!

She also decided that as an added challenge, another person can swing the basket so it's harder to score a point. Crafty. The things kids come up with when left to their own devices, right?

Making time as a WAHM

Summer is here, and I love it! I enjoy taking the kids to the pool and dreaming up things to do....but, since I work from home, it's been tough to create that perfect work-life balance lately!
Running a business from home AND being chief play-date captain, head chef, chauffeur, and boo-boo fixer has proven tough. I spend the first half of the day mostly working, but it's not quite the same as when the kids are in school. And when the weekend hits, well...let's just say I insisted my husband take the girls to the pool today so I could get a little work-time in. Let's face it: It's work-time, me-time. My husband comes home from work. I stay at work, all day!
One of my "jobs" lately has been to help my 10-year-old daughter with her 4-H sewing project. We purchased the PDF pattern from Tie Dye Diva, and it was a little challenging for my daughter, but not too much so. My daughter attended sewing classes with the 4-H team leader, and I "filled in" at home. She'll turn the shorts in this week and find out what place she'll receive.



My girls have an interesting perspective on work, since they see me doing it (and I often need to remind them, "I'm working now! I'll play later!") My 5-year-old is a bit too young to understand -- at her kindergarten entrance evaluation, the teacher asked her where her dad worked. She simply said, "At work!" The teacher then asked where her mom worked. She said, "At the table!" LOL!
And my older daughter, who made the shorts, talks during every sewing session about how she's going to open an Etsy shop and sell clothes and bows and pictures she draws. She'll need a bit of practice, but I have to appreciate that she's a self-starter. Love the entrepreneurial spirit.
On tap for this week? Two doctor's appointments, one 4-H project drop-off, chauffering back and forth to "zoo camp" for one of the girls, being a judge for a local newsletter contest, working on my business, and doing some fun things with the kids, which includes spending some time at the fair. I should sleep well!
If you work from home, how do you balance it? I'd love to hear from you!

Addicted to Blueberries

Since I'm a work-from-home Mom, it seems like I wouldn't be as tethered to a device as I am my Blackberry. It's not like I've got the company vice president messaging me to get out that important report anymore, or I expect some big emergencies with my kids that require my attention. After all, I'm usually home, near the phone, ready to roll out the door at a moment's notice. And as a hair bow designer and pattern/instruction/tutorial writer, I can't say that I expect big business emergencies that can't wait 10 minutes until I can get to my computer.


But, my design and sewing "studio" is in the finished portion of my basement. I use "studio" loosely, because it shares space with 1. a child-sized kitchen; 2. a bookshelf full of toys and books that have been semi-forgotten; 3. a treadmill; 4. an exercise bike, and 5. a TV from early 1994 that died in December and we haven't replaced yet, though would like to.
My laptop is usually in the dining room, because I don't have a table to set it on in my studio. Hoping to change that soon, but that's life in a work-from-home household with kids. So I used to run up and down the stairs to check my computer, to find out if I had sales that needed attention. It took away from my work, and became a major pain. So I got the Blackberry to be alerted with a little "ring" every time I get an e-mail. No more using the stairs for exercise (that's what the treadmill and bike are for, after all)!
But it's become my constant companion. My youngest daughter calls it my "Blueberry," and I've not corrected her because that sounds so dang cute! If I leave the room and it rings, she yells, "Mom, there's something on your Blueberry!" I feel lost if I've placed it somewhere and can't find it. And yes, it even has its place on the nightstand, I'm somewhat embarrassed to admit.
Today I had to have an MRI to find out what's causing my leg pain/numbness that started two weeks ago. As I prepared to leave for the test, it dawned on me that I would be without my trusty friend for more than 30 minutes! Tucked away in the locker at the medical center, the Blueberry would certainly be missed!
I ultimately didn't think about it during the test (which was loud and didn't give me the opportunity to think about much), but I did pull it out of my purse immediately upon opening the locker.
Sigh. I've never thought of myself as a gadget gal, but I guess I've succumbed. The Blueberry is here to stay. At least until my agreement expires, and I can get an Apple. I'm sure the latest iPhone can become a trusty friend someday, too.