Summer Mama Guilt

First, let me say that I love summer! I wish I lived in a climate where spring came sooner and fall didn't get cold until at least November. I also love the slower pace of activities - no having to drop everything before 3 to pick the kids up from school and no harping about homework!

And I know that childhood is fleeting, and I want to spend as much time nurturing my children as possible.

But, I'm a WAHM mom with a business, and it's hard to find that work-childcare balance. Earlier this month I was awarded a book contract (yay! More on that in posts later this year); I have patterns in the pipeline for the back-to-school season, and I'm helping to organize a sewing program for kids at a great local quilt shop, where I'll teach in the fall.

So having time to work, play with the kids, make dinner, do daily chores, grocery shop, and spend time with hubby were starting to stress me out by week 2.

I began getting up before 6 to get an hour of work done before I allowed the kids to come down and eat at 7. I work until noon, make lunch, and then do a daily activity with the kids until it's time to make dinner. Frankly, by the weekend, I want to hide in my sewing room to work on personal projects, but usually I won't. I plan another family activity so we can get the most out of summer. And Sunday is church. And other family chores. And I feel like I never have a moment alone and always need more time to work.

Too.much.

Mornings are still riddled with "Mommy! I need this" and "Mom, I'm bored...."; "Mommy, can you find my such-and-such?" And my repeated reminders: "I'm sorry, Mommy needs to work in the mornings." And: "Can you please stop asking me for things? I'll play with you later" (and I do!) and: "You don't need to stop and chat every time you walk by the room!" (I do not have an office door).

Ugh. I know I'm not alone.

Then I remembered my summers as a kid. My brother is 8 years younger than I, so I didn't have anyone to play with during my youngest years. My mom did things with me sometimes, and we took an annual family vacation and occasional trips to the zoo, museum or amusement part, but usually I was on my own. I was to play outside when it was nice, and was not allowed to say "I'm bored." I wasn't allowed to pop in and out of the house - going outside meant staying there until it was time for lunch or dinner. Of course I was bored sometimes (even though I tried to remember not to say it out loud)! But it really did mold me into a person who's rarely ever bored as an adult. I developed artistic interests, read, wrote, crafted. I didn't go to activity-fill summer camps or have access to a pool. Yet I still loved summer.

To be fair, our one daughter has never been very good about playing alone...I think this trained me to feel like I always needed to entertain her. She has AD/HD and is a high-maintenance child. This is the not-so-secret family secret that I hate talking about, but her peers and teachers and most folks know (she even talks about it openly when she's not being defiant and pretending it's not so). And I know I'm not the only one who deals with the fallout from other issues associated with this medical condition. It's just our life, and I adapted by being Mrs. Activity Coordinator to try to prevent behavioral problems. And when friends would visit, I'd even come up with a craft for them to do to keep them busy. Even now, a morning outside means coming in every 10-15 minutes despite repeated requests to stay outside or find something else to do...and ideas about doing a big project that inevitably includes asking for my involvement.

Our other daughter has always entertained herself. When I started my bow business in 2006, she was just a few months old, sitting on the floor, playing, as I worked next to her. Yet I feel guilty leaving her to own devices! Back to playing Mrs. Activity Coordinator....because, I'm thinking: Am I a bad Mommy if I leave her alone and let her play? Am I ignoring her?

So, I took to my Facebook biz page. Was I a bad mom if I no longer wanted to schedule an activity with them nearly every afternoon - whether it be as simple as head to the local park, or hang out by the neighborhood pool? Was I really being a "Good Mom" by continuing to coordinate daily activities?

A teacher provided one of the best words of wisdom. She wrote, "(Kids) need to be truly bored to look inside and find their interests. That's what's so great about summer. The school year is too busy to give them time to learn who they are and where their talents may lie."

Hmm.

Maybe it's time to remove the guilt, do something special with the kids once or twice a week, and not feel like a "bad mom" if I also need to work in the afternoon on other days, or if I need the afternoon to do household chores. Or even if (gasp)...I simply need an hour to myself.

Maybe I'm not a bad mom if I let them be bored.

So, I'm working on this. I caught my youngest practicing her bicycling skills and my oldest sweeping the driveway today. Maybe some boredom will also lead to random and exciting acts of chore duty as well! Wish me luck....my guilty conscience will need it.

Finding time for art

My birthday was on Monday. Unlike when I was a kid, it wasn't the shiny day of excitement that it used to be - we had celebrated over the weekend, and it was pleasant to get well-wishes from family and friends and even watch my Facebook feed fill up with greetings. But I was reminded of a tradition I started when I was teenager. Back then, I used to write a letter to myself to be opened on my following birthday. I still have some of these old letters. I'd ask who my friends were and whether I had a boyfriend (lol!). One letter was obsessed with whether I had won the science fair that year (I did - and even went to state!). I'd answer those questions the following year, and ask more.
I continued with tradition until I got too busy in college to worry about it, and I haven't picked it back up since then. But on Monday I was looking through my latest Quilting Arts Magazine and thinking about what questions I'd have for my upcoming year. I always have several projects on my plate, in addition to spending time with my kids, my husband, and my friends. I asked myself: In a year, will I make time for more art? I enjoy working with ribbon, sewing clothes, and making quilts, but I don't always feel I leave enough time to play with color and design. Somehow I feel guilty when I sit down without producing something that I feel is "useful."
The last time I gave myself permission was, goodness, before our second daughter was born 7 years ago! I made this art quilt after coming back from the AQS quilt show in Paducah, Kentucky. I had taken a class from a quilt artist and loved it. I finished my wall quilt from that class at home:

While I feel my hair bows are small pieces of art, and that the clothing I design and sew (and sometimes hand-dye) is also artistic, I need to spend more time with an art journal, a sketch book, and some dyes, paints, organic cotton ribbon and fabrics that aren't necessarily going to become a specific, finished project. To do this, I'll have to give myself the time and permission to play.
So, me of this year to me of next year: Did you spend time developing your art? I'll have to tune in next year.

A lifetime of sewing, revealed

Back in January I wrote about my mother-in-law's battle with Alzheimer's, and inheriting some of her sewing books. Sadly, she passed away in mid-March after falling and breaking her femur about three weeks earlier. She never really recovered after the surgery. Evelyn Rose McCool was 87.
There's been a flurry of activity since, of course - the funeral, where she was laid to rest next to her husband, Don, who died nearly four years ago. Though a sad time, I found peace in the knowledge that she no longer had to suffer. And with the extraordinarily high temperatures for March, the flowers and trees were in bloom, and the burial took place under a bright blue sky. We said that she planned it that way.
And then there's the clearing-out of her home, a sad and difficult process for my oldest sister-in-law, who lives closest to her and has been doing much of the cleaning. We've gone through bags and boxes of items given to us to sort, keep, donate or discard. I've been sorting a large part of her sewing "room" that we brought back here...and some of the items have made me smile. Her beloved Bernina, purchased in 1995, is a fantastic machine. I love this book that came with it. Don't we all need a puffy shirt like this?



I also found a $100 bill in her pattern stash! I called Mr. Birdsong at work to tell him about it, and said I left it on the dining room table so he could see. He was excited about it until he saw it:



And I did find a project I want to finish. She spent so much time creating all of the "parts" for a Raggedy Ann/Andy quilt, which I think was intended for my oldest daughter, based on the date of the pattern. She finished all the heads, feet, hats, dresses, overdresses, pants, legs, etc., before quitting and leaving this as a UFO. I can't find the backing fabric other than the two blocks she pinned together here, so I'll have to buy new. But this definitely calls for completion, don't you think?




This makes me think about my own sewing/ribbon room...will anyone appreciate my vast array of ribbon and fabric? What retro items or books will make my kids smile? And, of course, should I leave a REAL $100 bill in my pattern stash?

Making time as a WAHM

Summer is here, and I love it! I enjoy taking the kids to the pool and dreaming up things to do....but, since I work from home, it's been tough to create that perfect work-life balance lately!
Running a business from home AND being chief play-date captain, head chef, chauffeur, and boo-boo fixer has proven tough. I spend the first half of the day mostly working, but it's not quite the same as when the kids are in school. And when the weekend hits, well...let's just say I insisted my husband take the girls to the pool today so I could get a little work-time in. Let's face it: It's work-time, me-time. My husband comes home from work. I stay at work, all day!
One of my "jobs" lately has been to help my 10-year-old daughter with her 4-H sewing project. We purchased the PDF pattern from Tie Dye Diva, and it was a little challenging for my daughter, but not too much so. My daughter attended sewing classes with the 4-H team leader, and I "filled in" at home. She'll turn the shorts in this week and find out what place she'll receive.



My girls have an interesting perspective on work, since they see me doing it (and I often need to remind them, "I'm working now! I'll play later!") My 5-year-old is a bit too young to understand -- at her kindergarten entrance evaluation, the teacher asked her where her dad worked. She simply said, "At work!" The teacher then asked where her mom worked. She said, "At the table!" LOL!
And my older daughter, who made the shorts, talks during every sewing session about how she's going to open an Etsy shop and sell clothes and bows and pictures she draws. She'll need a bit of practice, but I have to appreciate that she's a self-starter. Love the entrepreneurial spirit.
On tap for this week? Two doctor's appointments, one 4-H project drop-off, chauffering back and forth to "zoo camp" for one of the girls, being a judge for a local newsletter contest, working on my business, and doing some fun things with the kids, which includes spending some time at the fair. I should sleep well!
If you work from home, how do you balance it? I'd love to hear from you!

Addicted to Blueberries

Since I'm a work-from-home Mom, it seems like I wouldn't be as tethered to a device as I am my Blackberry. It's not like I've got the company vice president messaging me to get out that important report anymore, or I expect some big emergencies with my kids that require my attention. After all, I'm usually home, near the phone, ready to roll out the door at a moment's notice. And as a hair bow designer and pattern/instruction/tutorial writer, I can't say that I expect big business emergencies that can't wait 10 minutes until I can get to my computer.


But, my design and sewing "studio" is in the finished portion of my basement. I use "studio" loosely, because it shares space with 1. a child-sized kitchen; 2. a bookshelf full of toys and books that have been semi-forgotten; 3. a treadmill; 4. an exercise bike, and 5. a TV from early 1994 that died in December and we haven't replaced yet, though would like to.
My laptop is usually in the dining room, because I don't have a table to set it on in my studio. Hoping to change that soon, but that's life in a work-from-home household with kids. So I used to run up and down the stairs to check my computer, to find out if I had sales that needed attention. It took away from my work, and became a major pain. So I got the Blackberry to be alerted with a little "ring" every time I get an e-mail. No more using the stairs for exercise (that's what the treadmill and bike are for, after all)!
But it's become my constant companion. My youngest daughter calls it my "Blueberry," and I've not corrected her because that sounds so dang cute! If I leave the room and it rings, she yells, "Mom, there's something on your Blueberry!" I feel lost if I've placed it somewhere and can't find it. And yes, it even has its place on the nightstand, I'm somewhat embarrassed to admit.
Today I had to have an MRI to find out what's causing my leg pain/numbness that started two weeks ago. As I prepared to leave for the test, it dawned on me that I would be without my trusty friend for more than 30 minutes! Tucked away in the locker at the medical center, the Blueberry would certainly be missed!
I ultimately didn't think about it during the test (which was loud and didn't give me the opportunity to think about much), but I did pull it out of my purse immediately upon opening the locker.
Sigh. I've never thought of myself as a gadget gal, but I guess I've succumbed. The Blueberry is here to stay. At least until my agreement expires, and I can get an Apple. I'm sure the latest iPhone can become a trusty friend someday, too.

Spring has sprung and I can't run

Aren't these just the prettiest running shoes ever? I bought them on March 4 because my feet were bothering me in my old pair, and I was training for a half-marathon. I wore them outside on March 6 in a glorious, 7-mile run. I had never run that far before, and was tickled to death.
But I developed a deep cough by the next day, and chose not to run. On March 8, one cough wrenched my back, pinched my sciatic nerve, and I knew my running training for the May half-marathon was over.
The pinched nerve sent shooting pain down my right leg. I couldn't walk. I could barely breathe. My 10-year-old had to help me put my pants on. I spent a day nearly immobile, and while I can walk now, I still have a slight limp, and the back of my leg and part of my foot are numb. My calf muscle is weak. I can bike (my quadriceps are not affected), but I can't walk fast or run.
To say I'm disappointed is an understatement! Sure, there will be other half-marathons to run, and I have no doubt that I will heal in time. But, for goodness sakes, I ran in January! In the snow! With spikes on my shoes so I wouldn't fall on the ice! All of this so that I could run strong and free in the spring, the glorious spring, with its milder temperatures and the songs of birds singing overhead. Darn it.
But, I guess I can still enjoy spring. Yesterday was the first day where it was nice enough for my younger daughter to push her baby dolls outside in a stroller. We saw the first spring flowers in our yard. Life is good. I will run again -- soon. I hope the Luck of the Irish is with me, and with you.

Yes, I do the housework, too

I like working from home - most of the time. I think it's a dream for a lot of people, especially mothers, because we really run ourselves ragged when we try to "do it all." I tried - and while I can't say I failed, I wasn't a great mom, wife, or employee when I was trying to do it all. Some women are great at it. I was not. I was chronically sick (and there were no sick days, even for salaried employees like me), a bit disorganized, stressed, and anxious -- usually about the next phone call I'd receive from the babysitter or school.
So I made the bold (and scary, and possibly dumb) decision to quit. Bam. Right in the middle of a recession. I walked in on a Monday, sat at my desk where I'd sat many times, and wrote out my resignation notice. Just like that. Probably the only non-calculated "big" thing I've done since becoming an adult.
And so I wouldn't further disappoint my husband, I vowed to work hard for myself. I stick to a schedule, and find that while I don't feel like I'm working "full time," I probably actually do work 40 hours a week. But for most people on a regular work schedule, it's a foreign concept.
"You do what? Bows?" they ask with some disbelief. I don't live in an area where most girls wear bows. I often hear, "I didn't know girls wore those any more!" But they move on, probably feeling sorry for me, that crazy bow lady, trying to sell something no one wants to wear. :) I'm sure they assume I have waaay too much free time on my hands.
Indeed, one thing I love about working for myself is that I can take time occasionally to do something else. Like last week - I would have had the free tutorial on printing your own ribbon done a day earlier, but my daughter absolutely NEEDED me to make her a Dr. Seuss skirt for preschool the next day. She had already told her teacher all about it. I had forgotten all about it. So I abandoned my mission, put on my "mom" hat, and made a skirt. The boss didn't complain.
One thing I don't love about working from home is that I never really *leave.* All the noises in the house start to bother me after awhile, especially if I have work to do over the weekends when everyone is home. So on Saturday I decided to take my computer to the library and do some work on my Birdsong Bows and Patterns website, rather than sit at home and work. I put on actual clothes (not sweats, but actual clothes I would want to be seen in -- yeah, I also miss dressing up!!) and went out with my laptop.
At the library I chose to take a seat across from an older gentleman, probably around 80. He wanted to know if I was doing my homework. No, I told him, I was just doing "work" work. He accepted that, and went on with reading his newspapers, talking to his friend occasionally, and giving out some free legal advice (he's apparently a retired estate attorney).
When I got up to leave, he asked me where I worked, and I explained that I worked for myself. I showed him my Etsy store and website and he appeared a little baffled, but accepted it. I told him I came to the library to work, because sometimes it gets too noisy at home on weekends.
But he had something else on his mind, rather than "work" work.
"Do you get your housework done, too?" he asked.
I was taken aback, but laughed, and simply said, "Yeah, I get it done, most of the time."
After the fact, I thought of several wittier comments I could have made. I shared the story with my husband when I got home.
"You should have told him, no, my husband does all the housework," he said. "You would have really shocked him."
Shocking, indeed. There's probably a reason I didn't come up with THAT witty remark. :)

I know where my priorities are

A couple of years after moving into our house in 1996, I got into sewing and quilting. And all I wanted for my birthday was some shelves and lighting so I could work in bright light in our finished portion of the basement. I painted, then put in new carpet, and bought the items that my husband installed.
It soon turned into a combo hair-bow-making/sewing area, but it works for me. I keep it relatively organized (I'm not perfect and envy those who have every item standing like little soldiers and no mess on the table). Note the careful painting (don't laugh at the sponge painting; this was the 90s and it was "in" then, and I haven't had time to re-do it).
Obviously, crafting is my passion.
Now, view a portion of my kitchen:


Brown and harvest gold, circa 1978. Note the trim around the door that's unfinished, because the refrigerator was slightly too big and we had to remove the regular trim and add this flat board.
Can you tell where my priorities are?
To be fair, it's a lot more costly to re-do a kitchen than a craft and sewing room, but STILL, I should have gotten around to painting that trim. I just don't find myself at home in the kitchen, like I do in the sewing room. When it's time to bring in baked goods for school functions, you'll find me at the grocery store, looking for something that appears like it could be homemade. But if they need me to help make banner? I'll be there, toting my hot glue gun with bells on.
Of course, I do enjoy cooking, sometimes. But mainly I cook to eat. I bake to make the kids happy. But getting "lost" in my work in the kitchen? Hahaha...can you see me ROTFLMBO?
Right now I'm working my tail off on two exciting projects that will be unveiled next week. One is a new tutorial, if the stars align properly and it all gets done. Right now I'm waiting on a couple of pictures and need to finish the design. The other is a BIG, FUN DEAL and I can't wait to share. You'll hear more early next week, so stay tuned. :)
Don't forget the photo contest! See the previous post on how to enter. Entries will be accepted through Friday. You'll be able to win a $10 gift certificate to Birdsong Bows and Patterns!